The “Angry Coffee Guy”

by theonethatgotaway

When I first joined Tinder I was moving around and I didn’t really get a chance to meet up with people. I started talking to this Aussie guy who seemed completely hilarious, so eccentric but just had such a positive outlook on life. Probably a bit too positive…

Eventually we arranged a meet up and I was really looking forward to it as we’d hit it off so well. It was baking hot in London so we agreed to meet at a rooftop bar in South Bank to enjoy the weather on a Sunday afternoon – lovely (you’d think).

I turned up in a nice summer dress and flats while he for some reason (bizarrely) opted to arrive in head to toe black denim. It was incredible. Keen not to be rude and so judgemental after we had hit it off (you can steer guys towards buying shirts right?), we went up to the bar and grabbed a drink. Sitting down we started to chat. He was a lot more shy in person but it seemed sweet so I carried on prompting him with questions and smiling, eventually getting him to relax.

Finishing up we talked about grabbing some dinner as well but first we’d take a stroll along South Bank river. We sat down, carried on chatting and I started asking about his friends and family back home. This was the moment he chose to reveal the coffee story.

“Back in Australia”, he told me, “I have a friend who is going to be world-famous for making coffee”.

Naturally, as this is quite a statement to make, I had to ask for clarification.

“Yeah, he’s going to make coffee and be famous for it”.

So his coffee-house is going to be famous?

“No he is”.

How, I politely asked, although let’s be honest in my accent I’m pretty sure I always sound sarcastic.

“You know how people recommend wine with meals?”

Yes…

“Well he’s going to do that with coffee”.

I had to pause here and think, sensing I had to tread carefully after he started trying to get me to brain storm launch plan ideas with him to make his friend famous in the UK. One of these involved a competition to guess the number of coffee beans in a pot. No.

Instead, I slowly introduced the theory that, quite a lot of people don’t drink coffee with dinner, they usually have it after or with breakfast. Perhaps he could have a group of coffee houses across the world, rather than being a “coffee sommelier” on TV. It was at this point that the eyes of the whole of South Bank were on me as a very angry Aussie started screaming at me.

“YOU ARE THE MOST NEGATIVE PERSON I HAVE EVER MET” (something which I know most people would certainly not refer to me as). We then sat in silence for a further ten minutes looking around, me looking quite dazed as he seethed with his arms folded. It was quite unusual.

After feeling like it had been awkward enough I thought it was time to part ways. Thanking him for a lovely afternoon I stood up to leave.

“GREAT! SO NOW YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO GO FOR DINNER WITH ME!”.

No, not today but let’s chat about another time. We walked slowly back to the bridge in silence where thank god we were getting on to two different underground lines (I would’ve got on an opposite one if he had gone anywhere near mine just to avoid the awkwardness).

As we turned to say goodbye, I again, said thank you and we’d catch up soon. He only the other hand shouted (again, in a very public part of Waterloo Station),

“NO WE WON’T! THIS IS OVER ISN’T IT”, and stormed off.

So that’s Angry Coffee Guy…